I had posted a youTUBE voice recording on my facebook account by Karen Finley. I guess I offended someone on my friends list. The post was Karen Finley's Karen Finley-An Act Of Conscience, from A Certain Level of Denial
I thought that in the 30 years of AIDS it could be used as a comparison to what I see as the world of HIV today. A man one year older than myself stated in an email, thanks for the memories. I have had many friends pass away, non to AIDS in today's World of HIV.
In turn he offered this contemporary artist as what he saw as a good comparison to Karen Finley.
Her website http://www.diamandagalas.com/ Her name (Die a Man or Die Amanda)
This particular section sent me into a whirlwind among some posted above it in her writings. Particularly the section taken from the Bible. (The Plague or Unclean)
Updating the Plague and the Mass: PRAYERS FOR THE INFIDEL, by Diamanda Galás
Conference presentation, Concordia University, October 2009
Looking back, at my reaction to getting this suggestion of a representation of HIV today. I realize it was not, that it is not an accurate interpretation of today's thought and social moods. The reaction was rooted in the closeness and similarities surrounding myself at that time.
In addition to the reference to this artist were postings and pictures on my friends facebook account. Pictures of him wrapped in caution tape, as I did have had caution tape tied to my apartment door knob once. As well the house I live in currently has been MARKED with a red X on the front door, and three orange pylons blocking the front walkway from the street to the door.
As well of a single post, had me almost ripping the door off heading out the door. "Why oh why can I not help from looking" with his photos of peep holes he shared on facebook. The forms of STIGMA and the forms it took it harassment, all for myself just had to many similarities. Both in the artist's writing and the posts on my friend's facebook profile.
A couple years at this point have passed. With no clear idea to whom had started their STIGMA of myself. How and where the information of my personal life was being collected. What I refer to as my emotional raping. The rape of my personal world still fresh in my thoughts and not scrubbed in the shower stall, soiled to my soul, not by me but by others staring as far as they could, to the inside.
I hate to say this, but as time has past, it may be POLITICALLY INCORRECT. I have a feeling I am not just being harassed only by straight woman but as I will call them, First Generation AIDS victims (fags). That show the physical scares of HIV, in their minds and bodies are scared to see. There is a breed of us out there, that don't show these earlier scares. We are not ashamed, we are still proud, still want to be, part of this world. The physically markings are not there and we are not glared at to hide depressed and thus forced to feel ashamed. It may be that first generation AIDS thinks, we need to feel what they went through. We shouldn't get off so easily.
I am still trying to find out has who emotionally raped me. Was it as well from inside my own community.
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