Wednesday, 28 December 2011

Last nite someone made me smile fanilly. Thanks you are one Witty Bastad.

Taken by Peter, while people yelled outside at me.



Don't  i look like I am having fun. Peter read I had a vision last nit. I am a very visual person. I am glad the pictures you took help explain what I can see without that lens (I see what you are clicking at the same tim and show me to see confirming something of myself)
As well  see you with a slightly different hair style. As you talked about Fashion I saw the hair at the back of your neck should be a bit longer and curly, and the top greasy.

with pomade LOL not natural essence...LOL



P.S. LOOK T ME>>>FUCKIN HOT BODY MAN..Damn


Monday, 19 December 2011

A Section of "The Fall of Love" UPDATED today Dec21-11

He lays in grey mud bleeding, with rain and snow lightly covering him.

I am strong enough,
even to carry this pain handed down abandoned - I feel heavy now, burden with something Blunt.
for yourself and this so called unforgivable sin
NOOO..
this is mine and yours, not my followers.
don't cast them from our heavenly place
this sin, let me carry its weight,
alone,
please stop
casting them
they are your children as well
this evil will make you,
unforgivable.
for the rest of life and beyond (your sin) eternity
(it will be never ending)
(eternity)
GOD _ they fall amongst thorns and the thorns choke them.
Why must you punish,
by striking us down?

whipped and burned

by my own creators right hand,
Its I that scorches this place , no root is deep enough for your tree it will wither away.
beaten down,
I just wanted to understand
what it felt like,
and why it was forbidden
but granted to them,
those men made in your image,
love, the children of GOD
you understand it,
you have it
but we are left lacking the most important thing,
and punished for wondering and asking why,
we cant love anything,
so I have only lost one love, as I could have had never, loved you
You had it forbidden,
Now here I am, looking up
at love
I found it, I had it,
you took it away from me
and have kept it,
there with you,
locked away,
I guess you have it, in your heart,
It was mine and not yours to take,
I hate,
today.
for the first time, I understand what hate,
can do
it has created something new.
willed by me, this burnt ground
we all knell, now,
Not only you,
have how the power see oneself
I have just willed hell,
a creation?
created by me, exists by, My God, I willed creation.
My GOD what have you done to me,
I stand in the middle, of something I never thought of before,
Where did this idea of this place come from,
I have willed a terrible place into existence
This place existed deep inside my mind?
Love is an incredible place
I have created the opposite ,
I know from where I knell,
it's Hell
Love is an exceptional place
You
I now have no on else but myself?
To ask for forgiveness
for creating this place
The will to hate,
Only God would punish by replacing love
with hate
Two things we weren't allowed,
Now my only thoughts are of these two things,
How can I replace this Hate.
So than ascending all of us back up to our rightful place.
in heaven, Amen,
God, I hate, today,
I will try to help you understand what it feels like to to have something
you want and need taken away.

We will be,
We will Hate
for you and all you have created (you create)
taken away from us, with greedy hands
not sharing one of the most incredible things, Love
so extreme ,
but this one down here (reference Lilth that is there in the shadows)
does not compare to my love locked away
take care, my dear, I will be there with you again.
Please send your tears here, down to me, before I disappear into the darkness
Unable to have you peer down on me,
Good bye LOVE,
for what already feels like an eternity.
"And I say to the mountain and these rocks. Fall on us and hide us from the face of him that sitteth on the throne and from the wrath of the Lamb"


---------------------------------------------------------------------


Lilith and Lucifer meet

How art fallen from heaven ("O lucifer son o the morning!) How art thou cut done to the ground, did something weaken God, and he lost hold of some of his angels
"Behold, I come as a their. Blessed i he that watcheth and keepth his garments"Lest he walk naked and see his shame. (Damian)
For all to see, my nakedness, my skin bleeds
That is why I have no clothes.
All of me to see.


My dear, mistress why do wander to my side.
I lie, here quietly, why bother with me.

Adam does cry, .
I have come looking for something.
Why come searching for me. bleeding here.
beneath.
Do you think I have something of yours?
hidden in my pockets kept from you, so you can't see...... it, hidden.
Nothing that is not mine, to conceal
Nothing that was in your possession and I came and took without your permission.
No crime committed.
Why come searching for me.
mistress

(who wants to be a queen? ) (Ruler of Sheba)

your partner weeps, go back to him. he needs you obviously or he wouldn't weep.
there is something missing,
there,
your were created for each other,
just you not created as you think equal but He used filth and sediment instead of pure dust.
just you, are below him,
remember, (giggles), now does it make more sense, maybe that is the only reason you wander.
starting to see the subtle differences, he puts in place?
Just need to ask the right questions to see,
understand me?

And me being here is a coincidence. I'm sure,
We've just crossed paths, you weren't searching for me.
You don't even know who I am or my name.
Just me lying beneath, your feet,
here today, as I am, bleeding.

You are Lucifer,
Am I? How do you know I am Lucifer? I could agree but what proof would there be?
you are the one in all my dreams,
I could lie and say I am another, what proof would there be either way.
That I am this Lucifer, you search for today.
All my life I have yearned for
Me or what about him, he could be Lucifer,
Who's to say, he's quit attractive wouldn't you say.
I know Adam would be jealous of that face. (laughs again)
Don't try to set me up with her, I have enough dirt under my nails from all this here,
oh shut up over there.
So go wander back to Adam and stop him from crying please.
its getting a bit annoying, I can hear him in the distance.
whining.
My wife's a whore she's left my side, she's filth.
forevermore, but bring her back to my side, my father knows what's best.
He says!
If not, I can still hear the ones down here, I'll let you know what they say,
(Laughing) do what they say or they will drown you...(laughing) they are nasty today, I wonder if I have anything to do with that
.(LOOKINNG AT DAMIAN, BOTH LAUGHING)
Most likely(damain) You have had your part in this as well, you do stand at my side.
I want deny that, I know my place in this mix..(Laughing)
Under his breath, Adam is muttering she's a bitch (both Laughing and Lilith starts as well a bit)
two adjectives for u today, you are filth and a bitch. how does that make you feel?
(laughing)
maybe she does belong with us, they are pissed.
Well she won't admit it, but she is suppose to lie beneath him.
Just like us.
They are most likely, up there, calling us filthy bastards and bitches as well.
Oh Adam, stop the whining.
Oh God give him what he wants, pleeease. (laughing)
I give her the right to strangle any man that sleeps alone.
While he dreams.
She will be the Queen of Sheba, she'll do as she is told.
I know how this will play out,
He can't have her murdered now,
only threats she'll endure when she leaves us, here,
She can see the darkness that lies in us all.
That protects her. She is one of us now.
forevermore, Amen.
(God he is one whiny little bastard, as well)
Go to hell.


I know we have never meet before, but I see you every time
I close my eyes and yearn to be at your side.
No...!
I know you and I are to meet.
No. your Mistaken. go away
I need something, I know you have it. (taken away)
Do I (smiling), I have not taken anything,
How do you know that....you look a little lost, maybe you need to find you way, and thats what you are looking for.
Not Me. Mistaken.
There is warmth I can feel radiating from you. It comes from inside you,
you're bright you are filled with light,
You don't even cast a shadow of yourself. like rest. of us
Maybe you came looking for me because you need me to shine a light,
to show you something. to show you the way.

You need to see?

Tuesday, 6 December 2011

Yes, I am a Filthy Bastard..

A Page from Bible (King James Version)


"That seeing they may see, and not perceive, and hearing they my hear, and not understand, lest at any time thy should be converted, and their sins should be forgiven them"

"And these are they which are sown among thorns, such as hear the word"

Saturday, 3 December 2011

Since my last post

It has been nonstop in this city with people yelling out over the city. I have woman in my neighbourhood everyone of my waking hours, going on and on about what I am doing. They are still following me...Came across to guys last night and what are they doing...moving that i so many now....The solution I was given is "just move" where its all over the city.
I am constantly having people let me know I am being monitored (why i don't anymore). Trying to get my attention, insulting me, degrading my writing as I am trying to write it. My ability to work is nonexistence, they follow me all over...I have been so distracted by them I have almost walked into traffic three times. So how can I get anything done.

Saturday, 26 November 2011

Fall of Love

I am Alpha and Omega.


I am he that liveth and was dead and behold,
I am alive evermore.
Amen.
I have the keys of  Hell and Heaven at my grasp.





---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reworking of The Bible , which I am using with my own words in a peice titled "Fall of Love".

---------------------------------------------

Good bye LOVE,
for what already feels like an eternity.
 
 
"And I say to the mountain and these rocks. Fall on us and hide us from the face of him that sitteth on the throne and from the wrath of the Lamb"
I am no longer Abaddon

and Omega
first in line to the throne of God.
fear not.
I am he that liveth and was dead and behold,
I am alive evermore.
Amen.
I have the keys of Hell and Heaven at my grasp.
Nevertheless, somewhat I against thee, thou cast me from my first love.
Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, knelling.
repent and do thy first works of evil, sin.
Removed from that place, so they can repent their good deeds, to him.
Me, I knell in sin.
Where I accept them below, here which is not filled only with hate but acceptance, flame
and love
What thou seest, know thy works and thy labour and thy patience,
Thou has cast them which are not evil but hast found them liars and not hast asked for thyself,
understanding to discern judgment on us all.
Thou hast said to me and all others
"Hereafter this , ye shall see the Son of Man sitting on the right side of power and coming in the clouds of Heaven"
In exchange for my place now taken away at your side, I give thou art fallen a wise and understanding
heart.
I sayst that there was none like thee before thee, neither after shall any arise like unto thee.
I am Alpha, the last for thou savouest not the things that be of God, but the things that be of men.
Branded a sinner for,
I saw the souls of them that were beheaded for the witness of Jesus, the last day after my dealings,
with the four angels standing on the four corners of this earth holding the four winds of the earth.
That did not blow on the earth, nor the sea, nor any tree, but did as I asked, lifted us back up to heaven, again.
Amen.
All the angels stood round the throne, blessed by him, but they had a king over them which is
"The angel of the bottomless pit whose name commands."
The mountain and the rocks, fall on us and hide us from the face of them and him that sitteth on the throne and from the wrath of the lamb, that has damned us for understanding, love.
They all don’t see how God can not cast out,
me,
for we are the same being, divided he can not stand,
but now hath he has an ending.
It is known, the mystery of the Kingdom of God,
See,.
If man have ears let him hear, sown in their hearts.
He that hath ears to hear, let him hear.
The blessing and glory, we understand the mystery,
The fallen.
In time, at the end of his reign, they will all see the key to heal all this pain,
lies not in him , but below
with me.
(in love).

Friday, 25 November 2011

I am



I turned forty couple days ago, that one came out of no where, on me...LOL

Thursday, 24 November 2011

Thanks to all that have hit my Blog.

Canada
549
United States
64
Switzerland
36
Russia
27
Germany
16
Brazil
6
United Kingdom
4
Argentina
2
Belgium
2
Austria
1
 

Czech Republic
1

Wednesday, 16 November 2011

woe as me



woe as me
woe as me
woe as me


woe as meeeee
nobody, likes, me


woe as me
woe as me

woe as me
i have to, go, to, jail

maybe.
woe as me

again,
nobody, likes me


woe as me
woe as me
my mother hates me 

woe as me




everybody hates me
woe as me

Saturday, 12 November 2011

Email today Nov 12, 2011

Prime Minister Stephan Harper.

I have sent you many emails, some just joking, as I feel you must have a sense of humor. Others very serious, now just plain to the point. Answer the question please. If it is NO than help me take my life back from this group of nuts in Toronto. please.

I am watched everyday and every move i make. Living in Toronto has become unbearable due to some woman that just hate me and other people like me. I need to know if they really are Private Investigators that are watching the HIV positive community in the city. Ones that have been sent out by police or they are working off of there own hate for a certain group of people.
I cannot get up in the morning without having a woman repeat what I do in my home. I can not walk down the street without a woman yelling what street I am on and what I am wearing. I get comments on the street, I am harassed daily and all I hear from this group is,  we have to make sure they know they are being watched, so they will do what we tell them. We want to make them all depressed so they will kill themselves. I have already had one friend kill himself and he lived one building over from me when this all started.
Luckily I wold never do that as I have had three friends over my lifetime that have done that and I know what it feels like to loose someone that way. So are HIV positive people being watched in Toronto, as many think we are all going to go to jail shortly.



Christopher Thomas Thornborrow

as well, juniorBRUNA

and



I AM VIRUS...................are you scared of me as well, Stevie....my HIV is undetectable in my bloodstream do you know what that means.

Saturday, 29 October 2011

Now that there is part of BloodSICK posted what else am i working on

BloodSICk - Caution, A Psychopath and a Gaggle of Boys and Girls is to be a play

as well I am working on 3 other plays

I Believe - a look into a dark place

Fall of Love - based on Catholic faith - a love story partially, Blindfaith, the want to understand, what happens when you don't give your love to someone. from that what you can will into existence when love isn't given.

Empire of Dirt  - group of friends with to much time to waste a idea that turns them into something they didn't see coming except one. He leads them blindly, into something knowing what the end is from the start.

Two other scripts

Madness that is Me....I posted some of it, it has changed totally from that....gay comedy, based on friends from my twenties, when we lived and went out continuously...made up of true stories and some embellished, other just what I think happened or should have happened.

Behind the Fence - Comedy.. Two cousins both named Jay that could be step brothers, their mothers are identical twins, but they don't know there fathers identities. They are on the hunt to find out if they are more than just cousins and have the same father to make them brothers. Their best friend is an over weight woman named Susie she good be their step sister she doesn't know who her father is, but she doesn't care.

H.U.R.T - co-dependent hateful relationships. Based on "Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf - German Opera - Thomas Crown Affair.......Four Characters, 2 female (sisters) 2 men intertwined.....a love triangle,  takes place almost completely in one apartment.
Stars with four, than becomes three, than four again. than only two left only one ends up understanding.

will anyone see any of this, is a just rambling, no its better than watching television, I write think, understand so much of what is myself.

--------------

my newest thought....is titled "A Natural Speed Freak, In Search of A Valium"

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Before Yesterday

                                                      
 The Blue Devil







This is from 2008, when i started to come forward about my situation.

I posted this around Toronto, and mailed it to people inside of Toronto and across Canada.  At the bottom of this first letter I have left out a small section, before it included the address of where this took place the the telephone number of the management.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------





THIS IS WHAT SAINT JAMESTOWN THINKS OF MYSELF AND GAY MEN.  I HAVE HAD A YELLOW CAUTION TAPE TIED TO MY APARTMENT DOOR KNOB. THIS IS TO TELL PEOPLE IN BUILDING I AM HIV POSITIVE, AND NOT TO ENTER MY APARTMENT OR THEY WILL BE INFECTED WITH THE VIRUS.


To all Toronto,

    I have contacted ACTUP New York, ACTUP San Francisco for their opinion on the below concern.

    I am sending you this letter in regards to my concern of SARS Legislation. The reason for my interest, for the last year I have been called a disease carrying faggot by my neighbors, who really like the Morality Act in the USA. The Morality Act (Canadian equivalent – SARS legislation) discussing about the quarantine of people with contagious diseases, both the previous legislations have HIV mentioned in the documents.

    My neighbors agree that I should be quarantined or forcibly confined to my apt so I do not spread the virus. I have tried to get my story out in numerous ways, at all times with no prevail.
.
    I have been told by them that they will slit my throat while I sleep, or shoot me in the head. If do leave my apartment they will go after my friends, as well. I am lying in my apartment as they continue to harass me and ask how, I contracted HIV from and who I have slept with so they can make sure I do not spread the virus. They continue to threaten to call or contact my relatives to inform them of my HIV status and state that they will harass anyone that works with me or has contact with me. 




------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Since than the other ways they have threatened to kill me if i continue to contact police or bring attention to them have included.


"I want to stick you like the pig you are and watch you bleed out. That would make me happy"
"I will have you run over, by someone"
"We will have a hit put on your head"
"I will have you beaten up by one of our boyfriends"
"I want to throw acid in your face, so no one will ever want to look at you"


The insults yelled out include,

Kill all the AIDS BASTARDS.
You are an AIDS BASTARD.
AIDS face.
You are stating to look like on of those pot bellied AIDS Bastards.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Sunday, 23 October 2011

I am disgusted with this COUNTRY

 Since the first HIV non-disclosure prosecution in 1989, there have been over 120 prosecutions.  A high pro- 
portion of accused has either pleaded guilty to, or been convicted at trial, of serious criminal offences, often resulting in harsh sentences and sex offender registration. In the majority of convictions, there was NO TRANSMISSION of HIV to the complainant.


The law states that you only have disclouse your STATUS if you are having HIGH RISK SEX. This includes vaginal or anal unprotected sex, only.

Many people ask what is the crime the TRANSMISSION of HIV or is it just touching someone that is positive. In Canada if you are HIV positive its a crime to be touched by another person without telling first you are HIV positive. I guess the HIV population needs to have a scarlet letter tattooed onto their faces.




I love my country.....its just been a few hard years.....hard years looking for answers, have blame heaped on my shoulders....not looking for any people to say..thats terrible you ok...i just want .......i will get back to you on that thought..


stand tall and forward...:)

Friday, 21 October 2011

A Lie, to Yourself

I don't have pity for people,
I don't have sympathy for people,
I just look don't my nose at you spineless, weak people.

You already hate yourself,
I do not.
You already want to be dead and forgotten.
For you and everyone,
Around u can forget. All the mistakes that you have made
Today or yesterday, your entire lives.
I don't regret my decisions.
I understood, why I did
The things in my life,
Never will I lie, why; I have done something to myself, in this life.
Lie, to yourself,
That lie won't ever die,
You will carry it for the rest of your life,
Nothing is worst than a lie.
That lies at your side, in your own bed, every night,
One you uttered to yourself and no one else.

It will eat away,
At your mind
Your own thoughts of yourself,
Your ability,
To see clearly,
Day after day it will be harder to carry
Its weight.
You will be buried under, a lie
Only to yourself, by yourself, to no one else
The lie,
Could have pushed you to newer heights,
You just had to think,
Why
Am I saying this,
Lie
Understand why,
You deceive yourself
You won't have to lie to yourself
And say,
I don't know why I did that,
I don't, know I just did that,
Again
Push yourself and answer the question,
Why, you did what you did.
To yourself, no one else.

Deep down inside, it is there
Not hidden, just not realized
We all know why we do what we do
Don't hate yourself,
For misunderstanding yourself,
By hiding behind your walls
There is always enough time to learn,
And understand
Yourself.
And learn not to lie
Lie to me all you want,
I pity you, who lie only to
Yourself.